see, right now is a moment

It's been a terrible, heartbreaking ending of 2009, and a shattered beginning to 2010.

I've lost Gus, but hopefully we'll be friends in time. But still it was a really hard blow and everything. Then the horrible ending to New Years Eve...if you don't know me then I'll briefly say that we'd had a small gathering, had a great night, and then the night ended by chavs breaking our front door down and assaulting our friends. Brilliant.

And now this.

I feel like it's not even happening right now. It's beyond strange. I expected it to happen to other families but not ours. I thought we were above such stupid acts. It just shows that people can surprise you even if you've known them from the day you were born.

I don't hate him, I don't really feel anything. He's torn my family, everything I've known and trusted apart. Without seemingly any remorse. That's the weird thing. I just keep waking up and thinking it's a bad dream. I miss my Dad but I can't take it in. The most horrendous, cruel thing to do...and he just. I can't even explain how little I feel. I was so angry, but I guess I'm still in shock. I will not stand for his lies and his attitudes any longer.

My family was the one thing I thought would be constant, and unchanging. Now it's all in tatters. But we'll be strong, I know it's going to be a hard hard year but we'll get through this. Me, Mum, Laurence, our friends and family. Once everyone knows what he has done, he will be ruined and I want him to realise just what he's done. It is the last act of selfishness in my eyes. And if he thinks I will stand for, or tolerate his disgusting behaviour...he has got another thing coming.

This is a total fresh start, albeit a painful one. But this will not conquer us.